My girlfriend and I recently travelled to the incredible city of Havana for 10 days – an experience I would highly recommend. Before travelling I did a fair bit of research and found some travel tips and suggestions (I’ll provide links to the most useful of these at the end of this post). While some tips came in handy, others were either inapplicable to Havana (versus the more rural areas… Read More »Havana Travel Tips
(Originally published on www.britishbullsh.it. Click here for more of my articles.) The FBI has asked Apple CEO Tim Cook to “be a bro and just unlock this iPhone”, it can be revealed. In a phone call last Friday, FBI Director James B. Comey was quoted as saying “Hey buddy do me this favour will you? The boss is bustin’ my balls here.” He reportedly continued, “It’ll just be this one time,… Read More »‘C’mon, guy, do me a solid,’ says FBI
[This was originally a contribution to the satirical news site www.britishbullsh.it. Click here for more of my articles.] LABOUR leader loses tooth while speaking at event on Tuesday evening — the third time since his election as opposition leader While speaking at a trade union event in his constituency of North Islington, supporters were left shocked and spittled when one of speaker Jeremy Corbyn’s teeth loosened and was accidentally propelled into… Read More »Jeremy Corbyn Loses Another Tooth After Continued Refusal to Use Trident
(Originally published on www.britishbullsh.it. Click here for more of my articles.) Does not commute: IT boffin and ex-Londoner Paul Tunnock crunched the numbers and saved himself a fortune. After 8 years of living and commuting within the larger London area, tech whiz Paul Tunnock, 41, had finally had enough of London’s extortionate house prices and cost of living, and turned his prodigious programmer talents to finding a solution to his money… Read More »Enterprising London commuter discovers it’s cheaper to work, live elsewhere
So I’ve agreed to start writing for a news satire website (because the internet clearly needs another one) that a couple of my friends set up: British Bull (note the url for a clearer indication of the level of humour we’re aiming at here) This is my first time writing “news” and my first time writing creatively in a long time, so bear with me — it may take me some time.… Read More »British Bull – Adventures in Satire
It’s a cliché for people to say their grans are strong. And maybe most of them really are. But my gran could beat up your gran. No question. Under the skin of those scrawny arms were iron pipes. Her legs were twin pistons. She could walk for days, and her will was made of steel. After getting the biopsy which eventually diagnosed her lung cancer, she walked a mile to the shops… Read More »For Gran
At some point in the last 10 years, I’ve managed to convince myself that I knew a quote from Hamlet that wasn’t in fact from Hamlet. The quote is: “to bed, but not to sleep” My (false) memory tells me this was part of some Hamlet soliloquy referring to insomnia caused by concerns of dead dads and murderous uncles. For close to a decade it’s been in my brain’s bank of… Read More »To bed, but not to sleep
Day six and Lady Luck finally flashed me her brassiere. Met a mope named Gilles said he had a lead. An artist surprise surprise. Unshaven, unintelligible, and stinking of wine, I went to meet him. Told him I had more leads than a dog-walker – and more balls. When he finished talking my jaw was on the floor. So was the rest of my face; I passed out. This thing… Read More »Paris Update in Film Noir #3
The plane landed like a legless cat on a sidewalk. My ears rang worse than Notre Dame. I shoulda told the broad in 4B to pipe down, but along with locks I’ve learned to pick my battles. First day back in Paris and it’s like I never left. Cigarette smoke burning the inside of my nose, money burning the inside of my pocket. Last night I scoped a place called… Read More »Paris Update in Film Noir #2
I recently went on a trip to Paris to visit family, and decided to post status updates in a Film Noir detective style. I woke up feeling like I’d been eating gravel. But those days are behind me so it had to be the bourbon. The plane shook like a dame trembling in the rain and my nerves rattled more than the windows, but I could fix that with a… Read More »Paris Update in Film Noir #1